So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
