btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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