Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
