your room smells of hookers.
And success
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
