i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
