I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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