I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
