My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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