take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
