nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
