he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she looked like the before picture.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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