Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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