I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
