yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
