they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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