we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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