Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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