So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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