Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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