he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
