and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
