dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
