i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize