The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish i was in the wii world.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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