she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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