I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i think i just lost a toe
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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