i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have fence marks all over my body
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
