the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize
