you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
