the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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