Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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