Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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