The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
