every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
