You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
