dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
