you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
