we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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