i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
