Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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