apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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