Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
