Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
