You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
