apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
