He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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