ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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