Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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