Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize