dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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