Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
