thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
