And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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