They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
