Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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