Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
please come you make the beer taste better
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
