the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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