i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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