It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
