Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
