I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
smell my finger.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
