I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
