Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
