this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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