I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
