she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
