Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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