i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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