How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
