shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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