Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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