Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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